Blog 152: She Blogs Hard For The Money
Monday, December 05, 2005
...so you better treat her right. With pudding.Yes, I know, it's been 10 days since I've posted, nothing's happened! WHAT?!
Well, regardless, if I, in fact, have any readers left I'd like to speak to them now regarding life, money, women and sexy cars.
Life = good. Meaning that, while I may not have achieved enlightenment or obscene wealth, at least I'm not being interviewed by Bill O'Reilly or housing any known parasites in my bowels. So.. bonus points there.
Money = Money? WHAT MONEY!? So yeah, it's lean. Cue the moths fluttering out of the wallet. In fact, I had to call my landlord today to tell her not to deposit my rent check because there's no money actually backing it. Luckily she was fine with holding off till the weekend so I don't have catastrophic money faliure. But that still means that I'm broke broke broke. Oh well, they print more money every day so I'm sure I'll get some of it eventually.
Women = Better than ever. In fact that's one of the contributing factors as to why you've gone so long with out your fix of me. Since Jenny lives down the street from me we haven't spent a single night apart since she moved in, meaning that instead of sitting at my computer bored and alone I'm now kicking it with my fly honey. So sorry, I love my blog but it's a small price to pay for the love of a good woman.
Sexy cars = Stella. Yes my Stella, whom you may recall has been disabled in a most unfortunate way for the last, I dunno, one hundred years, will be fixed - YES FIXED - tomorrow afternoon at the earliest and there will be a glorious reuniting involving no less than four trained elephants and probably a brief appearance by the Olsen Twins.
God will also be there.
So, to summarize: 3 out of 4 ain't bad.
Now a survey. When the first gift you give a girl is a personalized 4 disc set of love songs organized by season and clothed in custom artwork that you designed, and was regarded by her as one of the best gifts ever, what the hell do you get her for Christmas?! I think I may have screwed myself by setting the gift bar really high, but she says she doesn't care what she gets. In fact she's pulled the classic "you don't have to give me anything but your love" routine, which we all know is hogwash, cause wether it's true or not I'd still look like a power tool if I just didn't get her anything.
Am I over thinking?
Justin expelled a blog at 8:52 PM
5 Comments:
girls think scrapbooks = <3
quick, delete this comment before she sees it, so she won't know.
Too late... already saw it. But seriously.. I don't think we are the " Scrapbooking" type of couple...Unless it's a scrapbook filled with the blood of our foes.
Well, Justin, never fear, Ron is here! In all new text form! What she really means when she says that all she wants is your love, what she really means, is that all she really wants is your.... Ooh, yeah, I think I'll actually refrain from making a potentially offensive comment, this time....
Seriously though, why limit yourself to one day of Christmas? Make it eight or twelve days of crazy possibilities, or how ever many you want. The mix CD approach has already proven successful, so take the good ol' Market Economy approach and expand upon the successes of prior endeavours, adding as little meat to the plate as possible for as long as possible. Oh wait, scrath that last part. The point I'm making with this, though, is that for each of those "Days of Christmas" (or as I like to think of it, "The Days of Homicidal Tendencies, and Other Nice Thoughts") you give her a new, small gift, preferably something of your own creation, such as a print of one of your pictures, or a brand new car. You know, keep it simple. If you can, it'd be nice to go out on a bang, saving the biggest and bestest gift for last. Ideally, that's when you should've given her the CD set. But you blew it man, you totally blew it now you're just screwed and there's no going back, no fixing those holes in your memory, yeah that's how it is, THOSE WORMS WON'T HELP YOU. But it's too late for that now, unless you're Mr. Butterfly Effect Starring Ashton Kutcher. :O!
(Note to self: NEVER tell a man that, for whatever reason, I could eat his unborn children....)
PS: If you really are Mr. Butterfly Effect Starring Ashton Kutcher, could you remind me to turn the oven off yesterday morning? Seriously, I was worked up about that the whole day, thinking, "Did I remember to turn the oven off?"
What the sonnofa....! How did she see this? She has no internets! I need answeres!
P.S. Ron = Fukin AWESOME!
CRAP
actually, it wasn't a very good idea, because scrapbooks are for people with higher sap quotients.
that's not to say that the sap quotient around here is low, it's just a different, more stylish, more suave type of sappiness.
amirite?
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