Blog 129: I'm Only Happy When It Blogs
Monday, August 29, 2005
Do you ever feel like opportunity calls you, but you only hear static on the other end?
I realized recently that life has been going well for me. Over the last few months my posts involving melodrama and self-pity have tapered to a veritable halt. Let's look at the positive facts: I escaped Lakeview, indie cred intact. I got a job that pays me double what I made before, enabling me to finally get ahold of my finances and start an active and effective budget. I've reconnected with friends and family and feel emotionally and socially connected again. I have a tan. It's all good in the hizzy.
Well, money and indie cred and fabulous bronzed skin don't add up to jack shit when you have to aren't in love, and I am not in love. I've only been back here 3 weeks, it seems longer but I know it's not a huge stretch of time. I haven't really expected to meet anyone yet, it's just not feasible in a rational universe that I would just come back up here, wander into town and bump into my soul mate who also happens to be a model. That's just insane. It's not the time frame that aches me, it's the realization that I don't think I know how to attract women. I take that back, I know I don't know how to. Aside from 2 brief and ill-fated flings in college I haven't picked up a girl since I was 17 years old. It was easy back then, you're in school, you see the same people all the time, it's basically a breeding ground for relationships. But after a 7 year relationship that canvassed my boy-to-man years I find myself without the necessary tools to find a mate in the sea of society at large. Frankly speaking, I'm a 25 year old man with the dating skills of a high school junior. My parents have a pet squirrel, it's been raised in a safe, caged environment since it was a month old. If they let hat squirrel go in the woods it'd be dead within a week. Well I'd been in a relationship safety cage since I was 17 and now I'm alone in the woods. I have no instincts, I cannot hunt for tail.
I don't know how people meet. Does it actually happen at random? Do people strike up conversation in the grocery store or at parties and get together that way? I honestly don't know how it works. All I see around me are couples, I know they can't have all been set up by mutual friends or have been together since school, but I also know that the odds of them all just finding each other at random in some romantic comedy circumstance are equally slim. I often think that a relationship would be so easy if I could just clear that first inevitable hurdle of actually meeting someone I connect with. I've been on 2 dates since I've been back, which is technically 2 real dates more than I've ever been on in my life. Neither of them produced positive results, the first was set up by me with a girl I seemed to connect with initially, but once we met there was no chemistry beyond interesting conversation. The second felt like less of a date and more like going out with a couple and two completely detached single people who weren't told they were supposed to be on a date.
As opposed to the pharmaceutical drug culture as I am, if they had a pill that alleviated the symptoms of loneliness I think I'd take it. Everyone knows that desperation is a turn-off so I cover it. I don't even feel this way 90% of the time, but there are those moments when I let it slip out that I'm desperate for connection, that I long for attention and affection, that though I survive on my own there's always a part of me that is reaching for every pretty face that walks by, begging her to look back and smile at me.
I'm a castaway on an empty island, rescue planes fly over every day but they can't see me. I know they will search only so long before I'm forgotten and I'm doomed to live alone forever on the island. I have my signal pyre prepared, all I need is a single spark.
Today's pictures were provided by Exploding Dog
I realized recently that life has been going well for me. Over the last few months my posts involving melodrama and self-pity have tapered to a veritable halt. Let's look at the positive facts: I escaped Lakeview, indie cred intact. I got a job that pays me double what I made before, enabling me to finally get ahold of my finances and start an active and effective budget. I've reconnected with friends and family and feel emotionally and socially connected again. I have a tan. It's all good in the hizzy.
Well, money and indie cred and fabulous bronzed skin don't add up to jack shit when you have to aren't in love, and I am not in love. I've only been back here 3 weeks, it seems longer but I know it's not a huge stretch of time. I haven't really expected to meet anyone yet, it's just not feasible in a rational universe that I would just come back up here, wander into town and bump into my soul mate who also happens to be a model. That's just insane. It's not the time frame that aches me, it's the realization that I don't think I know how to attract women. I take that back, I know I don't know how to. Aside from 2 brief and ill-fated flings in college I haven't picked up a girl since I was 17 years old. It was easy back then, you're in school, you see the same people all the time, it's basically a breeding ground for relationships. But after a 7 year relationship that canvassed my boy-to-man years I find myself without the necessary tools to find a mate in the sea of society at large. Frankly speaking, I'm a 25 year old man with the dating skills of a high school junior. My parents have a pet squirrel, it's been raised in a safe, caged environment since it was a month old. If they let hat squirrel go in the woods it'd be dead within a week. Well I'd been in a relationship safety cage since I was 17 and now I'm alone in the woods. I have no instincts, I cannot hunt for tail.
I don't know how people meet. Does it actually happen at random? Do people strike up conversation in the grocery store or at parties and get together that way? I honestly don't know how it works. All I see around me are couples, I know they can't have all been set up by mutual friends or have been together since school, but I also know that the odds of them all just finding each other at random in some romantic comedy circumstance are equally slim. I often think that a relationship would be so easy if I could just clear that first inevitable hurdle of actually meeting someone I connect with. I've been on 2 dates since I've been back, which is technically 2 real dates more than I've ever been on in my life. Neither of them produced positive results, the first was set up by me with a girl I seemed to connect with initially, but once we met there was no chemistry beyond interesting conversation. The second felt like less of a date and more like going out with a couple and two completely detached single people who weren't told they were supposed to be on a date.
As opposed to the pharmaceutical drug culture as I am, if they had a pill that alleviated the symptoms of loneliness I think I'd take it. Everyone knows that desperation is a turn-off so I cover it. I don't even feel this way 90% of the time, but there are those moments when I let it slip out that I'm desperate for connection, that I long for attention and affection, that though I survive on my own there's always a part of me that is reaching for every pretty face that walks by, begging her to look back and smile at me.
I'm a castaway on an empty island, rescue planes fly over every day but they can't see me. I know they will search only so long before I'm forgotten and I'm doomed to live alone forever on the island. I have my signal pyre prepared, all I need is a single spark.
Today's pictures were provided by Exploding Dog
Justin expelled a blog at 12:27 AM
7 Comments:
Duuuuude. Match.com. Look at me! I'M SPAMMING!!! No, really, it isn't a bad thing. You get to know up front if you are going to connect. It worked out quite nicely for me :)
Match.katy worked for me. I guess not so much for you?
I tried match.com and match.katy. So far neither of them have produced outstanding results. Katy's route seems cheaper in the long run though.
hang in there, duder. the right person will come along. dates like that can be a good idea. match.com is good too.
just be yourself and you'll do fine, but you already know that. chicks dig guys who are genuine.
also, don't tell the girl about the blog until later in a relationship.
Don't sweat it... you're a fabulous human being. And I certainly wouldn't hide your blog - I'd flaunt it. It's who you are, what you are. And you really should only be with someone who wants you for 'you'... not something that you hope she'll like or approve of. Be yourself. If it's meant to be, she'll love you the more for it (you know I'm right :P) I went Yahoo! and only held the account for about a month. After about 8 dates or so with different people and certain disappointments, I ran into someone that I might try and spark something with... so you never know...
i take back what i said about the blog, for armana = correct
you know what i wanna know is where are all these girls who ask boys out? and if i have not given up all hope then you can't either its a rule written on this postit so it has to be law.
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