Blog 78: Looking for Love in All the Blog Places
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Current Mayo: Cinco de
Reading over the last half of the previous post I realize I come off as a bit naive and callow in regards to the work one must put into love. I'd just like to state for the record that I'm fully aware of the duty and effort involved in love. Love is hard work, it's very hard. I know how hard it is because I tried to carry a relationship on my own for almost 4 years. What I was trying to elucidate previously is this: Knowing how hard love is, and knowing the odds of it working out in the long, long run, is it really practical? Is trying to call love "practical" even practical? The main idea is that in the last few days I've had my entire idea of relationships knocked around like a toolbox in an empty van over rough pavement. I don't know how to even approach the subject of true love anymore. Because I don't know if I believe in true love anymore. From every example I'm given I see that love is about compromise and tolerance and settling. I see people adjust themselves to make peace, I see them give up what they want for the other and feel bad about it. I know that compromise and all that is part of love, but there's a good way and a bad way to compromise. The bad way is all I see anymore. People giving in not because it makes them closer, but because they don't want to make waves or cause an upset in the relationship and end up being alone again. It almost seems like there is no true love, there's just people getting together to make themselves feel good and have sex and try to get as much out of it as they can before it's over. They're still selfish when they're in love. I mean, why do people fall in love? Why do they meet in the first place? Because they need something. No one tries to hook up with someone because they're not lonely or needy or wanting. If people were completely fine with being single then humans would have gone the way of the Dodo Bird long ago.
So, can anyone answer that for me? Is there true love or is there just infatuation that resolves into regular love that turns into two people making the best of their time together and trying not to get bored? Or am I just being unbelievably cynical and defeatist? I dunno. Lately I just don't know.
Reading over the last half of the previous post I realize I come off as a bit naive and callow in regards to the work one must put into love. I'd just like to state for the record that I'm fully aware of the duty and effort involved in love. Love is hard work, it's very hard. I know how hard it is because I tried to carry a relationship on my own for almost 4 years. What I was trying to elucidate previously is this: Knowing how hard love is, and knowing the odds of it working out in the long, long run, is it really practical? Is trying to call love "practical" even practical? The main idea is that in the last few days I've had my entire idea of relationships knocked around like a toolbox in an empty van over rough pavement. I don't know how to even approach the subject of true love anymore. Because I don't know if I believe in true love anymore. From every example I'm given I see that love is about compromise and tolerance and settling. I see people adjust themselves to make peace, I see them give up what they want for the other and feel bad about it. I know that compromise and all that is part of love, but there's a good way and a bad way to compromise. The bad way is all I see anymore. People giving in not because it makes them closer, but because they don't want to make waves or cause an upset in the relationship and end up being alone again. It almost seems like there is no true love, there's just people getting together to make themselves feel good and have sex and try to get as much out of it as they can before it's over. They're still selfish when they're in love. I mean, why do people fall in love? Why do they meet in the first place? Because they need something. No one tries to hook up with someone because they're not lonely or needy or wanting. If people were completely fine with being single then humans would have gone the way of the Dodo Bird long ago.
So, can anyone answer that for me? Is there true love or is there just infatuation that resolves into regular love that turns into two people making the best of their time together and trying not to get bored? Or am I just being unbelievably cynical and defeatist? I dunno. Lately I just don't know.
Justin expelled a blog at 5:26 PM
5 Comments:
I, too, once believed in True Love. Then we broke up and now live thousands of miles apart. And I'm happier. Needless to say, I think True Love is a false and unrealistic notion.
I think it's more than settlement and compromise, but for love to work you definately need a practical component.
I think the formula for success in a love-relation is not getting on each others nerves + respecting/accepting that you have different likes and dislikes and not projecting them on each other + a promise to work together to solve problems.
I heard something once that made it all clear, in regards to marriage. Marriage is not about being in love it's about how you treat each other when you're not.
I almost forgot: I think that holding a relationship to the standards of the ideal True Love is the detriment of many an otherwise practical and sound relations.
To be honest man i dunno i am just as lost as you if not more 99% of the time. all i know for sure is what its like not havin it and having it is far better to me even with all the down sides the ups make it worth it. god only knows how much time i have spent askin when is it gonna be my turn when will i find someone who i really click with. at the end of the day i dunno if i ever will i hope that is not the case. but until that day comes i just try to take soalce in the fact that i have seen love work. i have seen it work its way back into 2 peoples lives who could hardly stand to be in the same room so i know it works i don't know the how it works lol but i know it does.
True love is a selfless thing. It is nearly impossible for many a sitcom-watching pop-music-listening terror-level-observing American to grasp, since the typical American (or maybe just human) is extremely self-focused. To succeed in a love relationship is to be giving (not compromising your person or being amoebic to not rock the boat). A successful love relationship can wipe away the selfishness that is inherent in all of us. That is probably it's greatest benefit. So many end in failure because of one reason. Selfishness. "What am I getting out of the relationship?" When both people have reached a point where they are not even just thinking "What can I do for my (significant other)" but instead just have an inate sense of giving without having to invest the conscious thought of asking the question, then a relationship can succeed. It is entirely two-sided. The odds are against you having a lasting relationship. But it is not a matter of finding that person that you just happen to "click" with. It is the challenge of both people being fully invested in the relationship and never even being in the fram of mind to want to wonder "What if..." Even if you can decide to make that life-altering decision, it is not likely you will find another in this self-bent society we tread through.
I meant to add that you still can, and I have. It's just not that common.
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