Blog 25: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Blog
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
That was a long title.
Ok, so here's an after thought dealing with the last line of the previous post. Thought: If I'm here in Lakeview and I consider my time in this town to be limited, not to mention the fact that I have no permanent housing, no job and no money, do I even need a girlfriend? Or even steady female company? Here's my thing, I've decided over the last few weeks that in this life I can't really ever see myself settling down the way middle class America tells you that you have to, ie, getting a cubicle job, marrying a soccer mom type, buying an SUV and a big generic house in the suburbs with white interiors, grey carpet and blond wood accents. So what I've dedicated is that since I tend to follow my heart and think with my head, that maybe it would work for me to be a bit more mobile, to live thin and carry my home in my heart. It's that taste of life that brought me to Lakeview in the first place. When I was with Black Betty I never dreamt of a life outside of a nice TV, nicer car, nice apartment and lots of toys. But once all that was gone I had to learn how to life with myself and myself alone. The opportunity to jump ship and head to the other side of the state with no real plan came and I took it because it just felt right, not because it felt perfect, but more because where I was then was not where I felt I should be. I had no real future there, and my past was more than I could handle so I bailed. My heart told me to leave so I did. My point is, what happens when I meet a girl again, especially if I meet a girl in this town? If this isn't where I'm supposed to end up, why would I want to create an anchor? I mean, unless I meet a girl who wants to either live vicariously through my decisions or just happens to have the same current carry her throughout life, I'll just end up having to make the choice to stay even if my heart says go, or break it off and make more scars. Seems like an easy choice right? Well try making it from my lonely bed. See I know how I work, I go with the flow. In small decisions and in big ones, so if I get wind of some great opportunity somewhere else like the one that brought me here I'm most likely going to take it. The new me anyway, the Black Betty me would have pussed out and never made a healthy move to save myself. But that man is dead now and I feel incredibly light when I think about life and a journey rather than a series of work weeks. Someday I'm sure I'll settle down and there will be family and stuff but why shouldn't I make the most of my freedom while I still have it? How may midlife crisis' could be avoided if people found themselves before they found someone else? I should be discovering all I can before I get locked into love and family and a house and those velvet handcuffs that make you stay where you are. That way when I know I'm ready I can be at peace with no regrets. I only wish I had been living that way all along. So that still leaves the question unanswered: Do I need a girl? The answer is: No, I don't think I need a girl, but would I like someone to hold onto and pour a little sugar on? Yes, yes I would. But like any opportunity in life, I'll know when it feels right and I'll know when it's just not gonna happen. It would be nice it have the opportunity to make a decision on that opportunity though. Cause it's been almost a year since I've even so much as kissed a woman and daddy needs a lil' sumpin sumpin.
Ok, so here's an after thought dealing with the last line of the previous post. Thought: If I'm here in Lakeview and I consider my time in this town to be limited, not to mention the fact that I have no permanent housing, no job and no money, do I even need a girlfriend? Or even steady female company? Here's my thing, I've decided over the last few weeks that in this life I can't really ever see myself settling down the way middle class America tells you that you have to, ie, getting a cubicle job, marrying a soccer mom type, buying an SUV and a big generic house in the suburbs with white interiors, grey carpet and blond wood accents. So what I've dedicated is that since I tend to follow my heart and think with my head, that maybe it would work for me to be a bit more mobile, to live thin and carry my home in my heart. It's that taste of life that brought me to Lakeview in the first place. When I was with Black Betty I never dreamt of a life outside of a nice TV, nicer car, nice apartment and lots of toys. But once all that was gone I had to learn how to life with myself and myself alone. The opportunity to jump ship and head to the other side of the state with no real plan came and I took it because it just felt right, not because it felt perfect, but more because where I was then was not where I felt I should be. I had no real future there, and my past was more than I could handle so I bailed. My heart told me to leave so I did. My point is, what happens when I meet a girl again, especially if I meet a girl in this town? If this isn't where I'm supposed to end up, why would I want to create an anchor? I mean, unless I meet a girl who wants to either live vicariously through my decisions or just happens to have the same current carry her throughout life, I'll just end up having to make the choice to stay even if my heart says go, or break it off and make more scars. Seems like an easy choice right? Well try making it from my lonely bed. See I know how I work, I go with the flow. In small decisions and in big ones, so if I get wind of some great opportunity somewhere else like the one that brought me here I'm most likely going to take it. The new me anyway, the Black Betty me would have pussed out and never made a healthy move to save myself. But that man is dead now and I feel incredibly light when I think about life and a journey rather than a series of work weeks. Someday I'm sure I'll settle down and there will be family and stuff but why shouldn't I make the most of my freedom while I still have it? How may midlife crisis' could be avoided if people found themselves before they found someone else? I should be discovering all I can before I get locked into love and family and a house and those velvet handcuffs that make you stay where you are. That way when I know I'm ready I can be at peace with no regrets. I only wish I had been living that way all along. So that still leaves the question unanswered: Do I need a girl? The answer is: No, I don't think I need a girl, but would I like someone to hold onto and pour a little sugar on? Yes, yes I would. But like any opportunity in life, I'll know when it feels right and I'll know when it's just not gonna happen. It would be nice it have the opportunity to make a decision on that opportunity though. Cause it's been almost a year since I've even so much as kissed a woman and daddy needs a lil' sumpin sumpin.
Justin expelled a blog at 12:05 AM
1 Comments:
I should tell you that Jenn described you to her cousin, and she was very intrigued. She would like to meet you, and was disappointed that you live in Lakeview. I don't know if you'd prefer not to hear things like that, but you are still a cool guy, and sound attractive to the lady-folk.
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