Blog 10: I Left My Blog In San Francisco

A word on snow: Snow is stupid. Snow does nothing good, but it does lots of bad. For example: Snow makes things slick that would otherwise be steadfast; snow is cold; snow makes the power go out, which is a key element in heating my house; snow makes everything bright when it's sunny; snow hurts plants and teases them by keeping their life-giving water in a solid form so they can't drink it. Snow belongs on mountains where extreme young people can go and "bust grabs" and "flip wicked tricks" on their snowboards, snow is essential for these things. Snow is NOT essential for my front or back yard, my car windshield or the roads that I travel. I urge you to stand with me and ban snow from non mountainous areas for ever! I stopped getting snow days when I left high school, so when all the lil chilluns get to stay home and build snowmen and watch Matlock I have to go to work anyway! So I say if I can't have a snow day then no one can and if that's selfish and mean then I guess that's just what I am. I hate snow and I hate winter, there's no reason to have it, trees hate it, fish hate it, farmers hate it and I hate it. Let's just not have winter next year. I think as soon as it starts to cool down I'm just going to migrate south like a goddamn duck and lay low in Cabo until mid April. That's the life. No heating bills or shivering or wet socks or unnecessarily hard nipples for me, just sunny beaches and cool drinks and all the hard nipples are where they belong: on bikini babes. Yeah, that's the ticket.


Mmmmm, beachy!